It’s been a hard time lately. From dad’s stroke to the car crash to other personal struggles and this damned concussion that won’t leave me alone; it’s been a challenge to get out of bed some days.
Two days ago I went back to the gym for the first time since the crash. The gym’s one of my places of refuge, of happiness and an escape from the rest of the world. For me to not be able to go throw iron around while I’ve been so stressed out has been incredibly maddening. I’d been cleared for light workouts, but really, I knew a light workout was all that I would be capable of doing. I barely lifted any weight at all and it hurt while I did, but it was fantastic. To be back in my gym, not at the old small town gym with the weights and machines that have been there since I was in high school (as grateful as I was for that release, believe me) – and feel like, for a moment, maybe I was back in my routine again, was incredible.
I was not even halfway into my workout when my dad called. He was having a really rough day and not handling it well. I tried being happy, supportive and understanding but none of it was having an affect or getting through to him. After a few minutes, I growled back at him and told him he’d better toughen up and fight through his challenges. That, at least, he acknowledged. The conversation lasted about ten minutes and drained whatever energy I had left. I did one more exercise for 5 light reps and called it a day.
I posted a photo of my time at the gym on my socials, because I wanted to portray that I was stronger than this bloody concussion (maybe I should have phrased that better) and I can fight through it. A number of friends immediately reached out and told me to take it easy and not push myself too hard, and I am very grateful for that. I didn’t push myself very hard at the gym, and the second I felt any mental fatigue or fog, I stopped and rested.
I took yesterday off from the gym and tried to work, but my brain remained pretty checked out. This morning I awoke with only a slight headache (a major victory) and very, very mild pain in my back and neck. I was able, for the first time since the crash, to work for a couple of hours and remain focused on my task. Still feeling good this afternoon, I considered going to the gym, but held off, deciding to not push myself and take it easy. Later in the afternoon, the headache strengthened, the mental fatigue came back (seeya next time, productivity!), and the pain in my neck and back intensified. Still, that was the best it’s been in a long time. I’ll take it, to start.
Tomorrow’s going to be a good day. I have a meeting planned with a client who wants to introduce me to another prospective client. I’m hoping to head for another really light workout in advance of that to get my energy levels up and my creativity + confidence flowing. The day after that I have another chiro appointment planned to further my recovery.
One step, one day at a time. I’ll get through this.