Tag Archive: creative

I’ll sleep when I’m ready, not before.

I have been tired lately. Exhausted. Day in and day out, completely run down. As someone that’s fought with insomnia for a number of years, this isn’t so strange, but usually I can sneak in a good night of sleep here or there and recharge my batteries. That hasn’t helped lately, even with a few good nights of sleep – I still wake up feeling tired.

One of the biggest benefits of running my own business is that I can, for the most part, set my own hours (when deadlines allow it). I’ll usually start work by 8 or 9, check out for a few hours around 2 to hit the gym, then work some more, take a break for dinner, then work until around midnight. I thought that as a professional, I should try and be available for somewhat of normal (I hate that word) office hours.

With that in mind, I’ve been trying to wake up at 7 and be in bed by midnight at the absolute latest for the last month. Perfectly normal, right? In fact, maybe even late for some people? Well, it’s been awful. I’ve had a month of turning alarms off in my sleep, insomnia kicking in at 4am and keeping me up until 6:59, and waking up feeling guilty that I then “slept in”.

I’ve been ignoring myself, what I’ve known for years: I’m most creative when the sun goes down. If I were working for someone else and putting in 8 hours then clocking out, yes, I’d be waking up and going to sleep (or at least trying to) at a regular time. Punch the clock, keep the schedule, repeat.

Last night, I purposely skipped what should have been my bed time. I had a new project to work on and I wanted to get a good start on it. I worked until about 1:30; at which time I felt satisfied with the work I’d accomplished and my body felt tired. I shut down my office and went to bed, making sure that my alarms were turned off for the morning.

I woke up at 7:15, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt great and wide awake. I jumped out of bed (as soon as Puppytron had her morning cuddle, which is not optional), had a shower and felt excited to get to work. Made my coffee, and was thankful to not be feeling like I needed to crawl inside the pot to get every last ounce of caffeine possible.

It’s noon now, and I’m still feeling both positive and great. This is all my fault, and my lesson to learn. I started my company so that I could be my own boss, call my own shots. For a while, I stopped listening to me and started worrying about what others might think.

Silly me. I deserved to feel that way.

I only miss the idea of you

Another midnight
Our song is playing
I’d ask the bartender to change it but
But I’m not staying View full article »

with less eyes and more time

a secret’s best kept when it’s only known by one
she smiled as she asked: can i trust you jason? View full article »


you leave me this way
with the touch of sin
still on my skin
and i don’t want to come clean View full article »


lay down your guards
they’ll do you no good
i’ll conquer your defenses
and claim all of you View full article »

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